What is toxic positivity?
“Toxic positivity is the pressure to only display positive emotions, suppressing any negative emotions, feelings, reactions, or experiences. It invalidates human experience and can lead to trauma, isolation, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.” – BetterUp.com
Essentially what happens is that it begins in a well-meaning manner. Workplaces look to promote positivity and foster good working relationships… at the expense and exclusion of everything else. The hoorah of it all backfires as it leaves people feeling unsafe and far less connected. Why? You may ask. Because the rhetoric that comes along with this methodology of constructing values and framing work environments leaves no room for negative emotions – of any kind whatsoever.
So what happens when a team member isn’t keeping their deadlines on a project? Or does not understand something? They go to their leaders for guidance and safety to air their frustrations because a colleague is not completing the task needed for the project, or is sending mixed messages.
The result? Leaders in toxic positivity mindsets’ response is often the same: you shouldn’t talk crap about your colleague. You shouldn’t be negative. You should give people the benefit of the doubt. This narrative, as well-meaning as it may be, shift the blame of the problem from the employee slowing the project down or giving mixed message, so the employee frustrated while still completing their work and assigned duties. Ultimately driving a wedge between that employee and both the leader and the team. It is an unintended result of alienation.
Example
John is in a meeting with Jacob, Jen, and Jasmine. John doesn’t agree with Jasmine’s comments, and gets upset – interrupting, raising his voice, making unprofessional statements, and taking digs at Jasmine personally. This borders on verbal assault.
After the meeting, Jasmine notifies her leaders. They, at first, respond in kind and concern, giving her time to recollect herself. But then toxic positivity enters the chat…
Jasmine’s experience is followed by comments from leadership about “learning to work together” and “communicating with each other to create a positive work environment.”
Essentially, the situation changed from from someone causing harm, to a miscommunication. Which sounds harmless enough until you realize that by shifting the narrative to a collective misunderstanding, Jasmine’s initial verbal assault is invalidated and the situation is turned into a group problem to fix.
This method of presenting the narrative to the group (qualified as such given that the group may not be privy to one-on-one coaching or disciplinary actions taken) takes away the message of personal accountability and presents the team with the result that a bad action by one person will result in blame to all.
Final Thoughts
I am growing increasingly concerned over the movement towards toxic positivity.
Treat people the way you want to be treated, and all about kindness and respect, are platitudes used too often but in practice fail to address any bad actors. This rhetoric is dangerous because it often invalidates any true emotions that somebody may be feeling simply on the grounds of perceived negativity. Well-meaning as it may be, positivity can become toxic, and we have to be considerate of accidentally fostering that sort of environment.
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